The Alternative Dictionary +1

Abundance : A wild party in a farm building

Alcoholic : Somebody who drinks as much as you do but has a younger wife, a faster car and a much bigger house than you!

Aromatic : An automatic cross-bow

Blame-storming : A post-event group consultation to decide just who it was who cocked up so badly

Boycott : A cradle for the son and heir

Climate : Something you do with a ladder or a rope

Critic : A legless man who teaches running

Deliberate : You are going to gaol! To enforce a suspended sentence

Diatribe : An extinct race

Direct : Ruined by a Welshman

Esplanade : An attempt at a complex explanation when drunk

Expert : Someone who talks about a subject you know well and still makes you feel like an idiot!

Fine : A tax for doing something wrong

Flabbergasted : Someone appalled at recent weight gain

Humming Bird : A seagull that has been dead for weeks

Igloo : An Eskimo toilet

Marriage : An expensive way to get laid for free

Spell-binding : The cover of a dictionary

Tax : A fine for doing something right

Willy-Nilly : Impotence

To be continued . . .

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